This is alarming..and that this is the dreaded time since I got off from work..the time that I'll be bored.
I've dreamt of me being so relaxed and worry free but, afraid that it's going the other way around and that I tend to worry too much and I tend to over think as there are plenty of idle times for me to do that...oh god help me.
And siguro, I might have over done it did I?
I might have expected something more, I assumed I hoped and now Im wondering.
These past days have been yeah happy, but somehow there's this void, kinda small pa before but now feeling ko lumalaki and any moment now could sucked up the natitira hope saken. I am a lil worried and I am now not that happy, my bliss is fading I don't know why. I have to reassess more and to reflect more.
Question - I wanna know why this feel so right (or if felt right)
Are you playing the role, just like the rest?
I'm missing...I am still waiting until now...I plan to retire early for the night but I am waiting for something...
Earlier in the day, and some conversations before, I find myself hurt yet I could not say and also could not restrict him, he is happy.
Siguro I tend to cling to I thought something was there?? And right now I'm in this emotional hurricane if I'll be the one to initiate.
Again- there's a point of comparison but again - siguro lang I expected which was very natural of me. I should have asked but find myself too chicken to do that as I might be disappointed of the answer. It's terrible being me now.
Hope it'll get better soon.
This is how I'm bored..sana..sana lang!
I miss..terribly :)
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
HAPPY
It's been really a while since I post something on my first ever blog, and I owe it to you readers (LOL, cracked on that as I don't have any) but just the same, I like reading what I have been through or what I have been feeling before so here it is.
General I am HAPPY.
Although, I might have shed some tears earlier - I think I'm still happy. And I'm loving this feeling - hope this feeling stays forever :)
These past month have been liberating and although I might have lost my job, that I had for 5 years, I quickly got over it easily. After the notice, I have gained a whole lotta great friends, I've been raving about this whoever asks me. They were the hidden gems that was out there in the open and waiting to be uncovered but dunno maybe I'm too fixated on the current that I don't notice them. But whoa, after I unearthed them - it was a great feeling, that you can be true and you and that more people can understand you and you can share with them as well. I might have difficulty explaining it all, but really the feeling was grand. More than a lottery price.
And the feeling that you have destroyed the wall that's been blocking you to see more great things beyond what is actually there on your vision. The feeling that you are extending your horizon to a much more, to much farther level to the distance that you were afraid to take before. And now you are experiencing bliss because you took that step and the brave you persevere.
I have never been a risk taker, all my life I was always on the safe side. Waiting for whatever may happen and for some time this was the case until I fully lived up to my capabilities that, again I have never explored I can do. And analysts might say that it might seem to late, but none I think could easily validate or say that's it's just right, that it's in time. :)
and another story is to face the ghost that I created, it was the bravest that I've done and to really set aside what's been restricting us to fully and freely connect. You know at times, you can really try hard, and use all your resources but if you have not put your guard down, and listen and understand you will never establish a perfect connection. But I did all that, and since then it was a breath of fresh air, it was easier, it was beautiful and lovely, there's an actual connection. And again I love it.
It was the best days of my life..Thanks God talga!
I am not promising nor will I ever carve this on a stone but I will try my best to stay because I am happy, genuinely happy and again I love this. Thanks to these opportunity, I was afraid before that I can never achieve this but I am....and unsure of where this will lead me, my thought will always hope for a bright future, I'd love that but it will take a while and that it might not happen, hopefully it will but again I'm at a place where I'm kinda contented, but if this goes up to another level that will be super great. So there..this might be cryptic but this is me and my war.
I love this, I'm happy :)
General I am HAPPY.
Although, I might have shed some tears earlier - I think I'm still happy. And I'm loving this feeling - hope this feeling stays forever :)
These past month have been liberating and although I might have lost my job, that I had for 5 years, I quickly got over it easily. After the notice, I have gained a whole lotta great friends, I've been raving about this whoever asks me. They were the hidden gems that was out there in the open and waiting to be uncovered but dunno maybe I'm too fixated on the current that I don't notice them. But whoa, after I unearthed them - it was a great feeling, that you can be true and you and that more people can understand you and you can share with them as well. I might have difficulty explaining it all, but really the feeling was grand. More than a lottery price.
And the feeling that you have destroyed the wall that's been blocking you to see more great things beyond what is actually there on your vision. The feeling that you are extending your horizon to a much more, to much farther level to the distance that you were afraid to take before. And now you are experiencing bliss because you took that step and the brave you persevere.
I have never been a risk taker, all my life I was always on the safe side. Waiting for whatever may happen and for some time this was the case until I fully lived up to my capabilities that, again I have never explored I can do. And analysts might say that it might seem to late, but none I think could easily validate or say that's it's just right, that it's in time. :)
and another story is to face the ghost that I created, it was the bravest that I've done and to really set aside what's been restricting us to fully and freely connect. You know at times, you can really try hard, and use all your resources but if you have not put your guard down, and listen and understand you will never establish a perfect connection. But I did all that, and since then it was a breath of fresh air, it was easier, it was beautiful and lovely, there's an actual connection. And again I love it.
It was the best days of my life..Thanks God talga!
I am not promising nor will I ever carve this on a stone but I will try my best to stay because I am happy, genuinely happy and again I love this. Thanks to these opportunity, I was afraid before that I can never achieve this but I am....and unsure of where this will lead me, my thought will always hope for a bright future, I'd love that but it will take a while and that it might not happen, hopefully it will but again I'm at a place where I'm kinda contented, but if this goes up to another level that will be super great. So there..this might be cryptic but this is me and my war.
I love this, I'm happy :)
Saturday, September 3, 2011
unplanned
I didn't expect this day would run like this. I have a plan, made last Friday, although not a plan-plan but at least I have something to do on a Saturday. But due to the headache, as in THE Headache, it kept me inside the house and kept me off my routine. Well honestly, I don't have a lot, I'm sounding like I have go-sees or deadlines to meet but, I think you can relate if you have already a concrete map on your head for a day, then will go off. Woke up with a throbbing head, really really throbbing head. Woke up very early from the last day, well came home late as in the morning late. But I didn't have that before, I always come home early in the morning every Saturday, to wake up around noon, eat and head to the gym. Looking forward nman to a strength cardio workout as advised by my trainer but it didn't happen. I stayed home, my laptop was my loyal companion all through the day. It really kept me off balance as I am constantly checking my mails, and FB notifications and..ok here's another story.
Woke up as well woth someone calling, I can barely move to reach my phone. I think ti was just 2 minutes and stopped ringing. I texted and received no reply. 3 times I tried but to no avail. With the headache, that adds up to my misery. I can't even finish this blog.
By now, my headache is gone...and I'm watching SATC 2 LOL.
Woke up as well woth someone calling, I can barely move to reach my phone. I think ti was just 2 minutes and stopped ringing. I texted and received no reply. 3 times I tried but to no avail. With the headache, that adds up to my misery. I can't even finish this blog.
By now, my headache is gone...and I'm watching SATC 2 LOL.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
IM BOOKED HP7
I can't believe that it's going to end, well at least the movies...Harry Potter that we have been following for years now, it ended with 8 movies, the last movie was split in 2 and I am so excited, yet a little sad, because we are already booked and we will be watching it, for the first time in IMAX. Honestly more expensive, but dunno, it should end with a bang I guess!Booked the first day as maluluma na kc, and we want to catch it while it's still fresh, kc me pirated na siguro on it's second day or third day..OA ryt but true..
Still getting goosebumps every time I watch the trailers although I;ve played it for more than 20 times, hehehe!
Still getting goosebumps every time I watch the trailers although I;ve played it for more than 20 times, hehehe!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
HEAVY!
eavy - that's a one word that I can give out today.
Just watched a new episode of glee tonight and it brought me to tears...again...I swear. The thought of losing someone makes me weep, and tonight was about death. How in the world can I handle that. And in all fairness, from all the write ups that I've read prior to this Wednesday, it did justice. I meant they did not overkill it or overemphasize death but, the go on thru their normal loser lives and go on. I loved it.
earlier with work it was heavy as well. The pressure really creeps me up, and dunno how I still wake up and drag my self to the bathroom every morning to prepare for work when all I can have are push and commands and all that stuff. I was up for this, however I've been on this state for close to a month now. I'm not complaining, it's just that - kulang na kulang pa b, hinde pa b sapat, binigay kong lahat panahon ko sa yo. That was the killer line form Joy and Bev's song.
And got a little serious with my friend over the communicator and might have spilled so much but I'm not taking it back or anything..I just spilled all, and that made me nahihiya pag nakgita uli kami. It's all kaartehan and self inflicted but again, tis is how I'm that stubborn. If I cared that much would it be held against me?
And the killer line - Do you expect?
I'm honestly not ready for that, but I kept on shielding by again, being stubborn ass my self everything that we've been through. It's chaos, it's complicated, it's all me. Heavy.
Just watched a new episode of glee tonight and it brought me to tears...again...I swear. The thought of losing someone makes me weep, and tonight was about death. How in the world can I handle that. And in all fairness, from all the write ups that I've read prior to this Wednesday, it did justice. I meant they did not overkill it or overemphasize death but, the go on thru their normal loser lives and go on. I loved it.
earlier with work it was heavy as well. The pressure really creeps me up, and dunno how I still wake up and drag my self to the bathroom every morning to prepare for work when all I can have are push and commands and all that stuff. I was up for this, however I've been on this state for close to a month now. I'm not complaining, it's just that - kulang na kulang pa b, hinde pa b sapat, binigay kong lahat panahon ko sa yo. That was the killer line form Joy and Bev's song.
And got a little serious with my friend over the communicator and might have spilled so much but I'm not taking it back or anything..I just spilled all, and that made me nahihiya pag nakgita uli kami. It's all kaartehan and self inflicted but again, tis is how I'm that stubborn. If I cared that much would it be held against me?
And the killer line - Do you expect?
I'm honestly not ready for that, but I kept on shielding by again, being stubborn ass my self everything that we've been through. It's chaos, it's complicated, it's all me. Heavy.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
untitled
this day started a little off, as I know it was a saturday but I woke up pretty early to prep up for ahmm nothing, I'm on rest day and should be staying longer in my california king bed..taray!
But TBF (to be fair) I've pretty much executed my plans for today..laundry - I used all the sun's prowess to dry my clothes (did not like during mid day as it was veryy hott - mind the doubles).
after I ate my ahmm bfast and lunch, took a bath then head to dreamland again...u know how u felt like ur eyelids are closing themselves out of sleepyness..that's what I felt so I gave in. Duh, I love sleeping because you see in my dreams you love me..awww
I read a book - the hunger game book 1 and dozed off and suddenly awaken by the heat...Oh god, it was unbelievable and couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to eat (again) ..I cooked sinigang BTW and it was great!....and then turned on the TV to find Sarah Geronimo waiting for jOhn lloyd and waiting and I was hooked...Kakahiya man, I loved the movie and at some point cried over it, the feelingero that I was...hahahaha
The day ended with me writing on this blog...and before that having a phone conversation that could have lasted until the other day but worthwhile and always thanking him for hearing my side and nakakatiis sa mga rants ko..hahahaha Thank God for giving me besh Harky...
PS - we were texting pala Bes Cha and I ..the usuals..she just celebrated her 28th bday..we surprised her and all..hope she liked it....and as we speak she still rants on how boring her day was...Happy Easter everyone!
Prayer number 2
But TBF (to be fair) I've pretty much executed my plans for today..laundry - I used all the sun's prowess to dry my clothes (did not like during mid day as it was veryy hott - mind the doubles).
after I ate my ahmm bfast and lunch, took a bath then head to dreamland again...u know how u felt like ur eyelids are closing themselves out of sleepyness..that's what I felt so I gave in. Duh, I love sleeping because you see in my dreams you love me..awww
I read a book - the hunger game book 1 and dozed off and suddenly awaken by the heat...Oh god, it was unbelievable and couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to eat (again) ..I cooked sinigang BTW and it was great!....and then turned on the TV to find Sarah Geronimo waiting for jOhn lloyd and waiting and I was hooked...Kakahiya man, I loved the movie and at some point cried over it, the feelingero that I was...hahahaha
The day ended with me writing on this blog...and before that having a phone conversation that could have lasted until the other day but worthwhile and always thanking him for hearing my side and nakakatiis sa mga rants ko..hahahaha Thank God for giving me besh Harky...
PS - we were texting pala Bes Cha and I ..the usuals..she just celebrated her 28th bday..we surprised her and all..hope she liked it....and as we speak she still rants on how boring her day was...Happy Easter everyone!
Prayer number 2
Sunday, March 20, 2011
thank you's.....
This year was a little different - I wasn't on leave during my bday, but 1 day after including weekends and one transition off for a tuesday to saturday week, so all in all 6 days but felt like 2 days..dunno. another thing was I was far off literally, Migs' rest house was faaaaar. It was like 2 hours from Lipa but then worth it as I celebrated it with my best of friends whom I dearly adorSd as they took their time to be with me. some really asked for a day off from work, some had prior engagement so sweet of them sniff sniff. I had it planned months before and finally settled to having it since Migs brought it up one time we were talking on how to celebrate my bday. It was a jackpot as I wouldn;t have to spend for the location so I took it. I'm in tears drafting this, tears of joy....
So thank you to:
Migs - for the place, for the effort. I know you have an interview for your new work hours prior to our event but you made your way and celebrated with us. Thanks for making my Janice happy.
Janice - thanks for all for putting up with me and for being always there. remember you are the only one that I got...so please remain for the mean time and let's be joyous and happy and all that...thank you so much..labyu!!
Cha - besh cha...we've been through a lot..frenemies and all but remained as close as ever..we know each other so well..thank you for being with me always..morning..afternoon..evening..twilight..and darkness and even in our lowest of our low - kahit walang pangshopping or pang SB..I so love you u know that...
Lorie - my pretty L..I know you have sacrificed this date for your other set of friends and I so love you for that...and sorry if I was being hard on you regarding this event..hehehe...ang mahalaga u were there with me, with us and ever so lovely...I love you.
Ghe - 'twas far but then you were able to make it..thank you for joining..thank you for approving Cha's VL..thank you and hope you had a good time
Bullet - your energy was unbelievable, dunno where you are getting that..thank you for taking your day off..going back to Lipa and being with us...funny funny night we had, can't imagine without you in it...
maydee - I remember the first time I told you about this event, you immediately filed for a leave and like in a day twas settled that you will come with us..thank you for your spirit and we'ff be forever friends..straight from shift - just like janice your a cowgirl and joined us (not to mention your period)
Val - my brother, can't thank you enough. The week was intense, and I know soo much was going on but you made it and that's what important. We had so much before and we became much more solid I wish you the best on the other account, I know you will exel.
Jerick - I was a little hard, and my words we're sarcastic but you were as always gracious, no words just actions and I like that. Thanks you for being there
harky - besh, you were the non-Lipa resident on the list yet you were with us as early as 9 am on March 18..our long talks, calls and kulitans hope it will last and thank you for putting up with me, im so maarte and tampuhin you already know that and you already know the other stuff...and the team was so happy having you..Thank soo much...
It ended with a Renfel dinner - all of us were really tired and sleepy. I wish that I was able to make them happy, I hope they enjoyed and hope that at least I took their mind off their work or anything that occupies their mind. My wish - alam na ni Lord yun, prayer number 2 po..sana sana sana!!! Thanks God!
So thank you to:
Migs - for the place, for the effort. I know you have an interview for your new work hours prior to our event but you made your way and celebrated with us. Thanks for making my Janice happy.
Janice - thanks for all for putting up with me and for being always there. remember you are the only one that I got...so please remain for the mean time and let's be joyous and happy and all that...thank you so much..labyu!!
Cha - besh cha...we've been through a lot..frenemies and all but remained as close as ever..we know each other so well..thank you for being with me always..morning..afternoon..evening..twilight..and darkness and even in our lowest of our low - kahit walang pangshopping or pang SB..I so love you u know that...
Lorie - my pretty L..I know you have sacrificed this date for your other set of friends and I so love you for that...and sorry if I was being hard on you regarding this event..hehehe...ang mahalaga u were there with me, with us and ever so lovely...I love you.
Ghe - 'twas far but then you were able to make it..thank you for joining..thank you for approving Cha's VL..thank you and hope you had a good time
Bullet - your energy was unbelievable, dunno where you are getting that..thank you for taking your day off..going back to Lipa and being with us...funny funny night we had, can't imagine without you in it...
maydee - I remember the first time I told you about this event, you immediately filed for a leave and like in a day twas settled that you will come with us..thank you for your spirit and we'ff be forever friends..straight from shift - just like janice your a cowgirl and joined us (not to mention your period)
Val - my brother, can't thank you enough. The week was intense, and I know soo much was going on but you made it and that's what important. We had so much before and we became much more solid I wish you the best on the other account, I know you will exel.
Jerick - I was a little hard, and my words we're sarcastic but you were as always gracious, no words just actions and I like that. Thanks you for being there
harky - besh, you were the non-Lipa resident on the list yet you were with us as early as 9 am on March 18..our long talks, calls and kulitans hope it will last and thank you for putting up with me, im so maarte and tampuhin you already know that and you already know the other stuff...and the team was so happy having you..Thank soo much...
It ended with a Renfel dinner - all of us were really tired and sleepy. I wish that I was able to make them happy, I hope they enjoyed and hope that at least I took their mind off their work or anything that occupies their mind. My wish - alam na ni Lord yun, prayer number 2 po..sana sana sana!!! Thanks God!
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